2014: page twenty-nine

Today, oh, today. Today was not the greatest day. I struggled and did not handle today very well. A lot of ugliness in my heart came out. Selfishness, impatience, I could go on. Thankfully, I am covered by the grace of God! 

B, right from the get go this morning, was whiney and grumpy. I'm not really sure why, but I guess everyone has those day. So, I was glad that her auntie was going to watch her for a while this morning. :)

I took B over to her auntie's house later in the morning and enjoyed a trip to a couple of stores before heading home to continue tackling our guest room. Pulling out all the stuff that didn't belong (boxes, helium tank, box fans, a ladder), I was ready to hit the closet. Deciding which backpacks to keep and which to give away, stacking the suitcases inside of each other to make space on the floor, I was really in my groove.

The phone rang. The ugliness started. The auntie who had B was on the other end. Her 3 year old had fallen and hit her head leaving a big gash and a trip to the doctor was in order. While I was saddened that her little girl was hurt, my selfish heart was upset that my time to myself was over. No more progress would be made on what I had wanted to get done. I know. Poor me. Get over it.

Along with picking up B, I would also be picking up two five year olds. I need to learn to be more flexible and go with the flow. My quiet morning/early afternoon was ending.

Ever since B's fall while playing with cousins that resulted in a trip to the ER, I can't relax when other children are over playing. Yet, I know that I can't sit there and watch them the entire time they are playing.

Mom of an only child.

Trust Jesus.

After I got off the phone, I literally said to myself "don't cry, don't cry." It's just where I was at in that moment. I didn't cry. I composed myself and realized that I would have to put everything back in the room that I had stacked in the hall in order for the house to be kid friendly again. So, quickly, I did and hopped in the truck to go grab the kids. I said a prayer on the way over that I would let go of myself and be open to whatever came my way.

Let the stress begin.

The five year olds right off the bat tried to sneak to the basement which is a work zone and has nothing to offer kids. They knew better. Oh well. Up to B's room they went to play. Actually, for the most part they did great. They really did. Having fun playing and getting along well for the most part, I can't complain.

It's just me.

I don't handle chaos very well and it felt chaotic to me. And people wonder why I only want one child. :)

Deciding to let them be kids and play up there, I headed downstairs. After a bit, I decided it would be best to check in. Well, one look up the stairs revealed the bathroom door had been left open and B was in there. At the toilet. Seat up. Water everywhere. Splashing a baby in the toilet. Yuck! Then sucking on said baby. I almost gagged. I was mortified. Ugh! Cardigan off and gross toilet baby taken away. Door closed and we moved on. Still disgusted by it all.

Shortly thereafter, auntie came to pick up the kids and thankfully her baby girl didn't need stitches, just some glue. We hung out for a while and then it was time for them to go home and for B to take a nap.

For some reason this day just seemed to drag on and last forever. Seeing Ryan walk in the door was refreshing and uplifting for my soul. I love that man! Taking the cue that I needed a break, he grabbed B and the dogs and went for a walk. Aaah.

Then, we all hopped in the truck and went for a drive up to Neola to look at some land we may have the opportunity to buy. Living in Neola is something Ryan has talked about since the day we met. Being able to get some land up there now would be great so we can eventually build a house there. :)

My evening ended by going to Bible study at church, which is always great to be able to turn my focus off of me and to my God. Jesus is my Rock and I talked to Him a lot today through all my struggles. Without Him, my reactions would have probably been worse and I may have completely lost it a time or two. How amazing it is to me that I have a God who is personal, wants a relationship with me and who I can turn to in my rough moments (as well as my good).

I didn't like writing this page. Writing about this day. But here it is. I made it through and tomorrow is a NEW DAY! Thank you, Jesus!