Overcome

Overcome
I can see that my hands are trembling
I can see that my legs are weak
I can see that my head is spinning
but I will overcome
and I know that my heart is hurting
and I know that my soul it aches
and I know that it seems I'm falling
but I will overcome

Oh Lord I'm strong in you
oh Lord I'm wise in you
oh Lord I can see in you
so I will overcome
oh lord I'm loved by you
oh Lord I'm free in you
oh Lord I'm complete in you
so I will overcome, I will overcome

This is one of my current favorite "worship" songs. We sang it at the Women's One Day event at my church a couple of Saturdays ago and the lines that I bolded above were especially meaningful to me that day and in the days since. I was (and still am) struggling with identity and those lines and the overall theme of the song to overcome are powerful. If I can just live like those lines are true (which they are!), then my "identity" as I see it and even as others see it, doesn't really matter. Oh, how I long to truly live in that! You see, my whole life, I have picked one thing or a couple of somethings and based my identity on them. These things are faulty things. For the last what seems like forever, without necessarily realizing it, I have based my entire identity on being single. I've seen that as who I am and not just a part of me. And in my mind, I equate single to being a loser (for lack of a better word). Now wonder, I'm all messed up! :) I have some amazing people in my life who I've shared this with in person and it's amazing how wrong I am and have been in how I think people see me. It's hard to wrap my mind around it all, but I have learned (or am in the process of learning or letting it sink in), that my identity doesn't come from this aspect or really any aspect of my life. It comes from God! Of course, I have been taught this for my entire life, but I've never really embraced it. Or, if I ever have embraced it, it hasn't lasted. I've known it to be true, but have I ever really BELIEVED it? That's the key. I need to believe it. I need to trust that what GOD says is true. And that is simply filling my mind with the truth of God's Word and getting rid of the lies that I have believed for so long. I need to take hold of those thoughts that lead me to think and believe things that are untrue. So, here's to being single and being ok with it! :)

I read somewhere yesterday, the following, "stop feeling that there is something wrong with being single." Thought that was a good way to put it after the past few weeks of my life journey. That doesn't mean that the desire to not be single isn't still there, it's just in proper perspective.

Well, I could sit here forever and write, trying to get all my thoughts out, but I've got to go to bed. Hopefully, I'll have a chance to try and get more of them out and let others in on this part of my journey.

More Than Grateful

What I am most thankful for is my God and Savior, Jesus Christ! The more I stop and think about it, the more it overwhelms me with how high, long, deep, and wide the love of Jesus is! Without Him, I have no hope and am unable to love others. I am so amazed that He is my Savior and that at the same time I can have a relationship with Him. He is not some far away God who is looking down from a distance. He is a personal, loving God who wants to have a personal relationship with anyone who calls on Him. He offers grace, of which I am in need and for which I am more than grateful. I don't have to try and live a life of being good enough, but through God's grace I have the freedom to live a life of love in response to what He has already done! I love my God and I am most grateful for who He is and what He has done!

Grateful

I think that I should be thankful all of the time, but how often do I stop and take the time to truly be thankful, to thank God for the MANY blessings in my life? Not as often as I should. Although, it has been a bit more of a pattern lately. As Thanksgiving approaches, I want to dwell on God's goodness. Not just when things are going well, but ALL of the time. So, I will start by sharing a list that I started back in probably April. This list is "100+ Reasons to Be Grateful." I haven't gotten to 100 yet, but I'm working on it. I pull up this list every now and again, read what I've written, and add to the list. Some of them are light-hearted or even maybe a little silly, some are serious, some are vague, and some are specific.

100+ Reasons to be Grateful:
1) Family
2) Friends
3) A place to live
4) A job
5) Clothes to wear
6) A car to drive
7) A church family
8) The ability to support myself
9) Hope
10) Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross
11) The love of God
12) Opportunities to get away from the normal everyday life
13) The sunshine
14) My past experiences
15) Opportunity to change
16) God's mercy
17) Pain
18) The internet
19) Email
20) My travel experiences
21) Good health
22) Forgiveness
23) Health Insurance
24) More than enough food to eat
25) Laughter
26) iPod
27) Glasses so I can see
28) Communication (instant with friends far away)
29) Fabulous co workers
30) Memories
31) God’s provision
32) Side jobs
33) Feelings
34) Logic (to counteract the feelings)
35) Choices
36) An accountability partner
37) Women’s Retreat
38) Books & the ability to read
39) My Bible
40) FPU
41) Tears (how crying really hard actually feels good afterward)
42) Empathy
43) Lotion
44) Medical advances
45) Friends who know things I don’t and can pass that knowledge on to me
46) Growth
47) Humorous situations
48) The little joys in life
49) Exercise
50) Water
51) $.99 Diet Coke at McDonald’s in the summer
52) Weekly hikes
53) A “new” free bike
54) Dogsitting
55) Chances to give
56) Long term friendships that span time and miles
57) New paint
58) Being challenged to become a better person/more Christ-like
59) Time
60) Fun memories
61) Regular pay back
62) Mountains
63) The beach
64) Frequent Flyer miles
65) Random trips
66) Solid foundation
67) The good and the bad
68) Discipline
69) Warm clothes
70) The chance to vote

So, I guess I'm not really close to 100 after all. I hope to get to 100 by the end of the year and then to keep going from there.

Here's to being grateful and dwelling on God's goodness, not my own circumstances.

Christmas???

I was at Wal-mart today and they already had Christmas music playing! Really? Already? How about we wait until Thanksgiving is over before the Christmas tunes begin? It's November 3rd, people! Sorry, that's just a pet peave of mine. I feel better now. :)

Don't get me wrong...I LOVE Christmas and all it represents! But for me, logically, one holiday should end before the next begins. Thanksgiving is also a wonderful holiday that should not be overlooked. And can be a great lead in to the Christmas season...thanking God for sending Jesus to earth humbly as a man to save us all. Yeah for Christmas (just not until after Thanksgiving :))!

Read This

I wouldn't normally put a link to what someone else wrote on their blog, but this is a friend's blog and it's a great article worth sharing.

http://michaelsgray.blogspot.com/2008/10/this-is-what-i-know.html

And It Begins

Angel Tree. Yes, I know it's crazy. Yes, I know last year I said I would not do it again. Yes, I know that I told pretty much everyone that if I said I was going to do it again to just shoot me. Well, now I am asking that none of you shoot me. :) I have to admit that it's not really because I want to do it (although a portion of me for some crazy reason will always want to do it), but more that it will be helpful to have a little extra cash at the moment. The good news is that I have a more limited role than I did last year. In fact, the application process actually started a couple of weeks ago and I have not been a part of that. That was part of the deal...that I didn't have to work the crazy application process that drains a person of all Christmas spirit. Last night, I went to sign the paperwork to get hired back. For now, I will just be doing data entry when it fits into my schedule. Then, starting after Thanksgiving, the real fun starts in the warehouse and the collecting of toys and clothes. I'm not saying that sarcastically. That is actually the fun part, although, incredibly exhausting and most of my waking moments will be working my regular job and then Angel Tree. More good news, though, is that I had already planned a 4 day trip at the beginning of December so I'll have a break this year. Yeah! So, there you have it. It's more of a confession for those of you who I have hidden the fact that I decided to participate in the insanity once again. Oh, and a plea for your prayers to make it through yet another Christmas season without losing all the joy it's supposed to have.

Not a Fan...

...of mice in my workspace!!!! That's all I have to say.

Boston!

So, I realized that I never posted anything about my trip to Boston at the end of September. Well, I had a chance to go to Boston to see a Red Sox game, which was amazing! I've wanted to go to Fenway for a few years now and finally got the chance. I had two vacation days left, which made this one heck of a whirlwind trip. I flew out on a red-eye flight to Boston arriving at 5:00am.

Experienced a day of just hanging out in Boston before heading over to the ballpark at about 5:00 to purchase some tickets. Now, that was a crazy experience! But, we got our tickets for some amazing seats! We hung out outside the ballpark for a while as part of the festivities, then headed inside.

So, there is nothing like your first time at Fenway! Loved it! Our seats were Club Level, so we got about as close to the Green Monster as one can get without having tickets to actually sit atop it.

Another perk of these club level seats was the server that comes and takes your order, so you never have to get up or miss any of the game to get concessions. Oh, yeah, and if you order beer, they bring it in a cup with a lid. I guess so they don't spill it on the way to your seats.

It was such a fun trip! Yes, despite being so quick with little sleep and the chaos of getting back home, but that is another story for another day. :)

Thank God It's a Process

I just have to say that I'm thankful that I don't have to be perfect and that life is a process. Have you ever had a day where nothing in particular was wrong, but something got under your skin and you just weren't yourself? That's how my day was. I was in a good mood, but I was snappy and made some snide remarks. And I couldn't stop myself! Now, part of me is sarcastic anyway, but today was an extreme. I'm glad that there is grace with the people in my life and they will all still love me, and they'll be really glad when the real Connie is in place tomorrow.

Along these same lines...have you ever said something and a couple minutes later, thought of a much better way to say it - a more respectful way, or a kinder way, or even just a clearer way? I find myself doing that all the time! I gues that's just part of the process. Someday, I'll say things the way I want to say them. Until then, thanks for being a part of the process.

I Don't Want To Be The Same

Have you ever thought about where you were a year ago and where you are today? I have. And I've decided that I don't want to be the same a year from now as I am today. By that I mean I don't want to be in the same place spiritually, physically, financially, etc. I want to have grown, changed, improved. I've also decided that it's hard. Is it worth it? Yep, I'm sure it is. Now, it's just convincing myself of that when I'd rather watch tv than spend time with God or just vegging rather than doing something active or when I spend money that I should be saving. But so far, I've made a few, good, small changes towards that end. We'll see where it takes me.

It's Been A While...

Sometimes I have so many things running around in my head that I don't even know where to begin and at other times, there really isn't much going on in my mind. Those are the times that I seem to have time to blog...when there isn't anything worthy of writing. Then there are times when I have a good story and don't have access to the internet to write about it. Oh well. So, thus it has been a while since I last posted anything. But here are a few random things.

Road Trippin' With Allison and Little Baby Mitchell
So, here's to old friends. Allison and I have been friends since the day she was born 3 months after I was born. Well, her life has been in a huge transition for the past few months. A synopsis of her life: her little boy Mitchell Jack was born on June 26th and 6 days later Allison and her mom drove from Michigan to Colorado. You see her husband is in the Air Force and they were being stationed in Tucson, Arizona. However, Justin had training in Texas for 6 weeks and she didn't want to go there by herself during that time, so she stayed with family in various places during that time. Well, she has been in Salt Lake for the past 3 weeks waiting for the day that she could finally get to her final destination and see her husband. This is where I come in. She needed someone to go with her to Tucson, I mean, who wants to travel alone with a 2.5 month old???

We took off on Saturday headed south. We weren't quite sure where we were going to stay, but the plan was just to stop where we felt like stopping. We made it to the halfway point of Page, Arizona (near Lake Powell), thinking this would be a great place to stop. Well after stopping at a few hotels and making some calls, we realized that every hotel room in Page was SOLD OUT! Which meant more driving to Flagstaff, Arizona about 2 hours further south. So, after grabbing some grub, we got back in the car and kept on drivin'. Allison's husband in the meantime had booked us a room at a hotel online so we knew we had a place to stay, which was comforting. We stayed the night in Flagstaff, going to bed about 9:30 I think. I didn't sleep so well, but at least we weren't in the car!

Day Two of the trip became a lot shorter and easier after the extra miles we drove on day one, so it wasn't all that bad. Took us about another 4.5 hours to finally get to Tucson.

It wasn't an ideal weekend, but it was fun to spend the time with Allison and help her out by driving so she could just take care of little Mitchell who really hates being in the car. Plus, it was awesome to see Allison and Justin re-united after being separated for so long and during such a rough time. And, it was fun to see daddy see baby who he hadn't seen for so long.

Sunday afternoon, we celebrated by going out for all you can eat sushi! Yum! Monday was a pretty uneventful day. Allison and I walked over to the BX on base and got some Starbucks for breakfast, then it was time to head to the airport, which we almost didn't find. I checked in at about 11:10 for a 11:45 flight...good thing Tucson is a small airport and there were no lines!

So, there's the wrap up of my weekend. Two days of driving and one day of flying. That's what friends are for and I was happy to do it!

The Bike Ride That Wasn't
I got a new bike a while back that needed a little fixing. So, a friend fixed it for me and I have been waiting to ride it ever since, but with all my dogsitting I haven't been home to ride it and when I was I didn't have my helmet which I had left at my parent's house. Well, last Thursday was THE DAY. I had my helmet, had my bike, and was actually at my own house with time to ride. I got ready, grabbed my keys and my phone and headed out. About halfway from my door (which is in the back of the house), I realized I had forgotten to bring something with me...MY BIKE! So, I walked back and grabbed it from the storage room and was off again. I stopped to get my helmet out of my car and put it on...or tried anyway. The strap was broken. I thought, "Oh well, I'm going to give it a go anyway for just a short ride." With, helmet balanced on top of my head, I was off...for about oh maybe ONE block and it stopped pedaling. It would not pedal past a certain point. I was bummed! And I also didn't want to have to walk my bike back home. So, I basically back pedaled about halfway and would then pedal forward till the point it stopped, then back pedaled, forward pedaled, and so on till I made it home, which, by the way, took a lot longer to go the one block back home riding like that than it did to get there. Oh well. I guess I'll just start saving for another bike. :)

Hangin' With Hudson

So, this is my buddy Hudson who is almost 3 years old. :) He is the funniest 2+ year old that I know. The things he says make me laugh. Here are just a few of them from the past couple of days.

"Miss Connie, do you have a baby in your belly, too?" Ok, his mom is pregnant. At first, I was taken aback, but then Kelly told me that he asked the same question to his cousin who is 12 years old and a size 0. I didn't feel so bad after that. :)

"Hudson: "Are you married?"

Me: "No, I"m not married."

Hudson: "Why not?"

Ha! I was watching him while his mom and dad were at a wedding and so we were talking about people being married. Talk about asking about two sensitive subjects (marriage and children) in the same day. Only from a 2 year old.

We were playing a game that he called volleyball. Basically, we had a beach ball and the object was to throw it in the goal and hit the target in the middle. One time he missed the target and he said, "Oops, I missed the target. Minor detail." Minor detail? Where did he get that? I told his mom and she said she has never said it. So she asked Matt, her husband, and he has never said it either. So Matt asked Hudson where he learned it and who said it. His reply was, "Hudson says it." Ha!

Yesterday, he had a ton of energy and I asked him where he got all his energy and he answered, "I got it from Costco."

Anyway, there were more I sure. I just can't remember them. I'll keep you updated the next time I watch him. Sure does make life fun and entertaining!

The pictures above are of Hudson when I was babysitting on Saturday. (I have to write about and post pictures of someone's child, afterall, I don't have my own.) :)

As Promised

Here is the link to the website that I had while I was in Thailand. For those of you who didn't know me at that time, it will give you a glimpse into part of my history and some of the most memorable times of my life. The front page has the monthly updates with stories, etc. If you want to see pictures, click "Gallery" on the left sidebar and there are several photo albums. Enjoy!

http://www.webspawner.com/users/imaducky2/index.html

Who Was Scary In Your Neighborhood?

Growing up, a family lived down the street from us that we didn't really play with a whole lot. Well, one time, I found out exactly why. I'll call the boy Joey to protect his identity. I don't really remember what I was doing, but I think that I was just playing outside with my friend Crystal (name not changed). When Joey appears out of nowhere with a KNIFE! I think he was probably about 5 and I was a few years older. Joey decided that it would be fun to chase us around the neighborhood with the knife. So, of course we ran from him for a bit until I got it together enough and decided it might be a good idea to run to the safety of my home. Now, you may be thinking that a 5 year old with a knife shouldn't be that scary, but it was, because he was a very mean 5 year old! I really think that he may have done some harm to us had we not run.

So, there's my first attempt at journaling on a random topic. Probably not my best work, but hey folks, it's been a while since I've written anything and besides, now you know a little bit more about me. :)

Blogging

So, I figured I would try this blogging thing. Aferall, everyone else is doing it. :) I resisted for a long time because it seemed like I didn't have anything to right about, no children which seems to be what most people right about. In any case, I decided that doesn't make me less blog-worthy. I still have stuff happening in my life and thoughts running through my head. Yep, for real I do. Ha. Anyway, so, here it is, my blog. I decided that I might start with doing journal writings like I used to have to do in English class that at the time I despised. I got online and googled journal topics and found this awesome website that has hundreds of journal topics. Of course, those won't be the only blogs that I write, but I thought it would be fun! So, hope you enjoy them as much as I hope I enjoy writing them. :)